Day 76: My Greatest Test.

When I started my 90 day adventure I hadn't really anticipated all of the things that could have gone wrong because it would have been difficult even if everything had gone right. Many things have not gone as planned and I've adapted and did my best. Currently I am suffering from a sore throat. I can't think of anything that would make my 90 day challenge more difficult then the inability to sing. The first thing usually feel when something goes wrong is frustration which leads to anger which leads to sadness which hopefully leads to surrender. Simply accepting the situation as it is. Sometimes I feel that surrender and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I get stuck in sadness and that's not a happy place with lollipops and cotton candy. It's more like cigarettes and whiskey sour. Or maybe 10 whiskey sours until I pass out.  Last night I went to the open mic at Canters. It was a comedy of errors. My main guitar is currently being fixed because of a crack so I brought my backup. Inside the guitar is a battery which allows for it to be plugged into the PA system which allows for the guitar to amplified. Since I never play this guitar I didn't check to make sure the battery was good and just my luck it wasn't. So then they miked up the guitar. It was feeding back. The gentlemen who runs the open mic then setup my microphone and left the room. So I started and the microphone stand was fallen down and my guitar was barely audible.  A friend of mine was nice enough to try and lift it up during the song. On top of that my voice sounded like Chewbacca. I was hoping it would be healed but it seems like it's going to take a few more days. I left feeling pretty fucking shitty. There is no great lesson in this post. No aha moment. Right now I am questioning whether I should continue. A few nights ago I played guitar in the Promenade. I did it late at night with very few people around. I felt I was running naked on the 405. It was humbling. I am being tested to an incredible degree. My body hurts. My mind hurts. What to do?

Day 70: Brush It Off.

It has been awhile this I am have done an entry so I thought I'd check in for any update. Today is my 70th day of my 90 day adventure. This past Sunday I performed at the Viper Room. It was a part of event that a friend of mine Yong Taing put on. Everybody who played at the event works for a certain company rhymes with Snapple. I'll let you fill in the blanks. I was supposed to work on Sunday but I called in sick because I was wanted to be relaxed for the event rather then feeling stressed out and racing from work. It was a great night. I played 4 songs by myself and 2 with a drummer and bass player. I did well. I got alot of nice compliments.  The speaker system in the Viper Room sounded great which is a change. I am used to playing in dives where nobody gives a shit about you or if it sounds good. Afterwards a few of us went to Fat Sals where they have these crazy sandwich's. My included hot dog,hamburger,chips,potato salad, and some other stuff. It was really good actually. I got home around 1:30pm and hit the hay. I have been getting up early many days so I woke up at 7:30am. In hindsight I probably should have got so more zzzzzzzzzzz's. I practiced a new song, went to the park, did a bunch of errands. At 6pm I headed to the Santa Monica Promenade to perform. I got there about an hour early to secure a spot and I chose to go near the apple store in the middle of the block. Bad idea. When I started it was so noisy I could barely hear myself and a kiosk who was playing Electronica turned there music as well so I decided to pack up and change spots. I found a space, unpacked and started to sing. I did alright for awhile but then my contacts were really bothering me and I started to get tired. Seventy days will kick your ass a little bit if you know what I mean. So I couldn't see and I was practically falling asleep standing up. Not exactly a recipe for success. There is a great lesson. When I figure it out I'll you know! Ha, Just kidding. The lesson is that some days you are going to kick ass and other days things just don't go your way. The real question is what are you going to do the next time. For me rain or shine I am committed to playing. But the real question is can I brush off one shitty performance and remember the great one. The answer is I am working on it.

Lessons Along the Way.

I have learned some valuable things on my 90 day journey. One of the greatest things I've learned is to not make assumptions. I'll give you an example.  I was at an open mic at a  coffee house that has open mics every night of the week. There are alot of comedians who go there. During my performance there was a women sitting in the front with her arms crossed wearing a nasty scowl on her face. During my second song it kind of threw me. I was in my head and not present. Anyhow I finished and watched the rest of the performers including Miss Frowny face. When it was her turn she explained that it was her first time doing open mic and that she was nervous. She did pretty well considering it was her first time. After everybody was finished the performers we chatting. As I was walkimg by Miss Frowny Face she said to me, "nice job". My inner dialogue was like, " What, is that the same women? I'm confused, but ok". In hindsight I believe she was nervous and probably in her own head. That scowl probably had nothing to do with me. Another lesson i've learned is to not judge what I think a situation means, good or bad. Perhaps if just is. I'll explain. There are some days where I'll make $40 in the Santa Monica Promenade and other days I'll make $2. In my mind I like to judge my performances there by how much money I made but this doesn't tell the whole story. For instance last night I played in the Promenade and I would say I did all but one song well. I made $5 and a homeless man actually gave me a dollar. That felt like a $100. I have made more money on other days. Was I ten times better? No.  The right people just happened to walk by on those days. 

Day 50: Good Luck Is On The Way.

Before I started my 90 day performance challenge I realized that there would be many days where the only place that I could play would be at the Santa Monica Promenade simply because I would be working during an open mic. About 5 years ago I had played in the Promenade and I thought I had the right equipment I needed this time. Much to my surprise when I hooked my equipment I got no sound. Since there is no power outlets in the streets you have to work off of a battery. I used a car battery which many performers do in Santa Monica. So I went to Autozone and they tested my battery. The salesman told me I needed a new one. I wasn't sure if I should believe him. The car repair business and honesty don't always go together but I took a leap of faith and bought a new battery. I took it home praying that it would work. I hooked it and what did I hear, a giant hum that made me cringe. By the way this the condensed version of this story. It was far more annoying then I am even describing. Anyhow so at that point I was like WTF,  I am going to return everything that I can and find an amp that works on regular batteries. I researched different possibilities online and finally decided on the Roland BA 330. It is only 30 watts but I figured I am playing in the street. How much power do I really need?  To make a long story short. The amp was wimpy and it distorted when I started singing loudly. While playing down at the Promenade I noticed alot of people using a Crate amp so I looked into it and ended up returning the Roland amp and getting the Crate amp. I have been using the Crate for around 10 days. It was a big improvement however I noticed that the reverb wasn't working on the guitar channel. Basically reverb makes you sound like your performing in a room. It is something that the masses don't know about but it is used on everything whether your in the studio or live. Without it instruments,voices sound flat, like a pancake. Mmm, pancakes. So today I went to Guitar Center and had them test out the Crate amp and indeed it was not functioning properly. Last week I discovered a giant crack in my guitar. Given the level of annoyance I think I am doing alright. I have had my share of bad luck. Perhaps some Good luck is on the way.

Day 48: A Place to Call My Own

I haven't blogged in awhile but today I needed to vent a bit. I am going to be moving soon. I told my landlord today.  I have to be out of my current place by July 31 and this is stressing me out! This is going to be a good move once it's over. My own place! That will be awesome. Privacy to write and practice my music will be huge. Should I ever attract a young lady it will be nice to have a single then too. I pray that my luck turns around in that area and in general. Tomorrow I am going to check out a place. It is only 500 square feet. I am not sure if that's big enough but I also don't know if I am going to do any better for $1100 in my neighborhood. So while I am stressing out about a new apartment I am still performing my music every day. Today I went to the Promenade and performed in the evening. I received very few tips or listeners. It felt like I was masturbating with my guitar. I left feeling really disappointed. It is very difficult for me to deal with disappointment with my music. I take it very personally. My head was so cloudy today. I probably wasn't all there. When I was leaving and getting in my car I got a text from a friend who just listened to my music on soundcloud. He said you got talent, keep at it. The same thing happened two days ago.  I left the Promenade feeling like I had sucked and somebody said to me on the way to the car " Thanks for entertaining us" and I replied with Thank you. Maybe there is somebody watching out for me.  I don't know maybe it was just a coincidence. There is no real message in today's entry but I am going through a lot of change that is uncomfortable yet necessary for growth.

Day 38 : Is that too much to ask?

So tonight I went to the open mic at the Unurban Cafe in Santa Monica. Earlier in the day there had been a mass shooting within a mile of the cafe. I performed quite well and got some nice compliments. That is always nice. At around 10:00 I decided to take off for the night. I was walking to my car and I woman stopped me and starting talking to me about the shooting that had happened today.  Perhaps it was because I was wearing a New York Yankees hat. She was a New Yorker or perhaps it was for some other reason.  Anyways I could see that the days events had really scared her. I guess since I don't live over there I wasn't as freaked out or maybe it's that I am so desensitized to violence having lived in LA for awhile. We talked about all different kinds of things. I think she was just looking for somebody to connect with. What's funny is that right before I left the open mic I was feeling really lonely. I even texted that to a friend of mine who also happens to live in Long Island.  Perhaps the universe knew that we both needed somebody to talk to. It is far too uncommon in LA to talk to strangers. She commented on how almost all her  relationships have become transactional. Los Angeles is a spread out town. Everybody is doing there own thing. It can be a lonely place. I'm not saying the movie Crash is a perfect depiction of LA but I think there is some truth in it. Wouldn't be nice if you knew your neighbors. I honestly don't know anybody in my neighborhood other then the guys who live upstairs. I once said hi to my next door neighbor and the woman looked at me like I was from Mars. While Mars is nice and all. There is no breathable air. I prefer Earth and I also like to live in a place where I knew my neighbor and perhaps at the very least I could at least say hi. Here is my request. Be nice. Be honest. Is that too much to ask?

Day 36: Introducing Jeff 2.1

So I am on day 36. Before I get to the guts of this entry I wanted to report that I did get a battery powered amp and I used it in Santa Monica yesterday. It is a major improvement over no amplification. Ok moving on to the heart of the matter. The last few days my energy has been a little off. It's like the Three Ring Circus decided to have a party in my belly. I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it is because I am worried about my new living situation or the fact that my lease is up for my car in September.  Both of those things lead to a bigger thing which is about money and self worth and can I afford to get my own apartment. Will it be conducive to playing music? Will I be able to sing in my apartment without people complaining. I suppose the unknown is scary to me. There are so many unknowns in my life right now. When my life starts to feel out of control I start telling other people what they think they should do as if I some sort of expect on life. Survey says. Gong. It is an attempt to control my own situation. Perhaps I am right about whatever it is I am pontificating about but it is often advice that was never asked for. It comes from a place of fear. So for all of those I have done to recently I'm sorry. I guess the one positive thing I can take from it is that I am actually aware of this flaw. Awareness is step one. I am human and I am making mistakes and learning. I only thing is I wish it wasn't so painful. Last night a gentlement  commented to me that I was cool as a cucumber. It's funny that people think that about me. I suppose I tend to look stoned even when I'm not. The truth is I am neurotic Jew from New York who has tried very hard to learn to sked that skin. I am who I am. I am going to do my best to be a better version of me. Like a newly released Software program. Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and Girls. I give you......................  Jeff 2.1