Day 36: Introducing Jeff 2.1

So I am on day 36. Before I get to the guts of this entry I wanted to report that I did get a battery powered amp and I used it in Santa Monica yesterday. It is a major improvement over no amplification. Ok moving on to the heart of the matter. The last few days my energy has been a little off. It's like the Three Ring Circus decided to have a party in my belly. I'm not really sure why. Perhaps it is because I am worried about my new living situation or the fact that my lease is up for my car in September.  Both of those things lead to a bigger thing which is about money and self worth and can I afford to get my own apartment. Will it be conducive to playing music? Will I be able to sing in my apartment without people complaining. I suppose the unknown is scary to me. There are so many unknowns in my life right now. When my life starts to feel out of control I start telling other people what they think they should do as if I some sort of expect on life. Survey says. Gong. It is an attempt to control my own situation. Perhaps I am right about whatever it is I am pontificating about but it is often advice that was never asked for. It comes from a place of fear. So for all of those I have done to recently I'm sorry. I guess the one positive thing I can take from it is that I am actually aware of this flaw. Awareness is step one. I am human and I am making mistakes and learning. I only thing is I wish it wasn't so painful. Last night a gentlement  commented to me that I was cool as a cucumber. It's funny that people think that about me. I suppose I tend to look stoned even when I'm not. The truth is I am neurotic Jew from New York who has tried very hard to learn to sked that skin. I am who I am. I am going to do my best to be a better version of me. Like a newly released Software program. Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and Girls. I give you......................  Jeff 2.1