Day 3. Why am I doing this?

This morning I woke up and meditated for 10 minutes. I felt peaceful. I kept telling myself to stay present and not let my head take over. I debated on whether to go to Autozone and deal with battery issue that I've been having related to my Santa Monica performances. When playing in the street there is no power, hence a car battery is needed. I decided to deal with that after I performed. So I drove down the 10W through typical LA traffic. It was slow but it was moving as they say here in the big city. I got there around 9:30am. Somewhere between my house and driving I started to feel anxious again. So I sat in the car for a moment and tried to ground myself. It seemed to make little difference. I walked back to the spot where I played yesterday and it was taken. I walked through a busier section and my mind said to me " You don't want to play there, there's too many people". Now I'm sure your thinking, your a performer that doesn't make any sense. I know it doesn't. Even though people have told me "Wow Jeff, your really good". I am still insecure at times. I always feel like I'm never quite there. Writing this is actually pretty liberating. When people are walking by when I'm playing in the Promenade sometimes my head is saying some nasty things to me. So you ask what is the point of all this. Why am I doing this? It's about spiritual growth and it is about staying present. About being in the moment. When I stay in the moment during my performances I always do well and if I make a mistake I'm able to self correct it quickly. When I'm not in the moment I forget lyrics, make a wrong turn on the freeway, I sing without passion, appear disinterested, and in general things don't go the way that I hoped they would.
But there is a silver lining in all of this. I am at least aware that I struggle staying present. According to Eckard Tolle, one of my favorite spirtual teachers, this is the first step.